Teens and Extra Curricular Activities

Ask any “Soccer Mom” where she spends her time, and she’ll tell you – in the car! Extra curricular activities can take up every evening and most of the weekend, and parents may find themselves asking why make such an effort? As a “Volleyball and Softball Mom,” I’ve spent plenty of hours driving an athlete to and from practice and tournaments. I’ve spent even more hours sitting in the bleachers! Was it worth it? Definitely! YES.

While a great deal of research has pointed to the benefit of youth activities – including sports, cultural activities and community organizations, a recent study asked teens to describe their own growth experience in extra curricular activities. The teens participating in the study reported that their extra curricular activities helped them in many ways. As they tried new things, teens learned more about themselves.

They developed personal initiative by learning to set goals they could achieve, working hard and persevering, managing their time and taking responsibility for themselves. The teens also reported that they learned to manage their feelings, especially anger, anxiety and stress.

They developed feelings of loyalty and friendship with peers, even those outside of their existing social network. Additionally they learned not only to work as a team, but also to develop leadership skills. Finally, they also developed an understanding of how their communities operate and enjoyed support from coaches, leaders and community members.

So, as you attempt to navigate what can be challenging teen years, you might want to consider what opportunities your teens have to experience personal growth through participating in organized activities. What activities are your children involved in and how do you think they benefit from them?

Parental Monitoring Redefined

It's 10:00 p.m. . . . do you know where your children are? If you are old enough to remember that public address announcement, you probaby are raising a teenager by now. And you probably ask your child the same questions everytime he or she heads out the door, "Where are you going? Who are you going with? What will you be doing? When will you be home?" It's our job. We worry about their safety, yet at the same time, we understand their need for independence.

Research shows that teens who voluntarily communicate their activities to parents, allowing them to be aware of their activities and whereabouts, are less likley to be negatively influenced by peers or to get involved with problem behaviors such as substance abuse or delinquency.

Research also suggests that stringent parental control or tracking of teen activities is not the answer for preventing adolescent problems. Rather, its the quality of parent-teen communication and the strong emotional bond that make the difference.

Teens may be more likley to avoid the behaviors that parents disapprove of if they're worried about harming the good relationship and trust they already share with their parents. They also know they must be mature enough to make smart decisions in order to continue to have some freedom. If the teen has earned a parent's trust, they gain more independence.

This confirms that the parent-child bond that is built and maintained over a lifetime can be more powerful than parents suddenly enforcing strict rules and constant monitoring when their child becomes a teenager. And let's be honest, Mom and Dad, we can better enjoy those few quiet moments in the house when we feel good about our relationship with our teen!