Co-parenting and Father Involvement

About half of all U.S. children will live apart from their fathers some time during their childhood because their parents have divorced or separated. While some nonresidential fathers do not maintain contact with their child, others are able to continue to be a part of the child’s life. A very important factor in whether a father remains involved seems to be how the mother and father work out their co-parenting relationship after they split up. Fathers may be involved in decisions about the child, have frequent contact, and be involved in warm and supportive relationships with their children – or they may be fairly distant or not involved at all.

A recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family looked at co-parenting relationships between custodial mothers and fathers living apart from their biological children. Using data collected from a national sample of children and custodial mothers, the researchers found that cooperative co-parenting is fairly uncommon: 66% of mothers say that the father has no influence over childrearing and 58% say that they get no help from the father in childrearing.

These results suggest that many parents may find it difficult or even impossible to engage in cooperative co-parenting after separation. However, when they can cooperate, fathers are able to have more frequent contact with their children and a more trusting and supportive relationship, confirming other research that finds father involvement has many positive outcomes for children.

Classes for divorcing couples (or couples with children who never married) can help co-parents to work together for the future of their children. For more information: http://hillsboroughfcs.ifas.ufl.edu/DivorceClasses.html.

Hey Daddy - Read to Me!

I have very fond memories of my father on Sunday morning reading the comics out loud to us. All four of us would gather up on the couch, finding our favorite place on the back of the couch, on Dad’s lap, snuggled by his side, or balancing on the armrest. We were all squeezed in together, still wearing our footie pajamas.

He would “read” the comics to us. His idea of reading was to create long, elaborate stories that probably had nothing to do with the actual comic. But the stories were always funny and the couch was always warm. It was his way of showing us his love. Our lives were enriched because of those Sunday mornings.

One of the best and least expensive gifts fathers can give their children is the gift of reading. Many years of research show that a fathers’ reading to his children increases their success in school and later in life.

Our children “learn to read” well before their formal education begins. Many have a favorite book or story that has been read to them so, so many times. Even when we have read that book twenty times already in one day, they want it read to them again. They know the book by heart. They may even “read” the story to their stuffed animal audience. They correct us if we try to hurry through or modify the story - I admit I tried it more than once. Some even pick up a magazine and begin to “read” aloud a story that exists in their imagination. What smart children!

Fathers – it’s your duty and honor to help give your children a love for reading. Your children watch your every move – let them catch you reading.

Read the sports page, the gardening articles, the comic strips, or the latest car report to them. Sure, they may not understand every word, but they will see the excitement on your face and hear it in your voice and begin to connect that joy to reading. Visit your local library with your children and pick out a couple of books you will read together each week. Write a story together. Have your children make up a story while you write it down, then read it back to them and illustrate as you go.

Thanks, Dad!

Please share your stories of reading in the comment section.