Parental Monitoring Redefined

It's 10:00 p.m. . . . do you know where your children are? If you are old enough to remember that public address announcement, you probaby are raising a teenager by now. And you probably ask your child the same questions everytime he or she heads out the door, "Where are you going? Who are you going with? What will you be doing? When will you be home?" It's our job. We worry about their safety, yet at the same time, we understand their need for independence.

Research shows that teens who voluntarily communicate their activities to parents, allowing them to be aware of their activities and whereabouts, are less likley to be negatively influenced by peers or to get involved with problem behaviors such as substance abuse or delinquency.

Research also suggests that stringent parental control or tracking of teen activities is not the answer for preventing adolescent problems. Rather, its the quality of parent-teen communication and the strong emotional bond that make the difference.

Teens may be more likley to avoid the behaviors that parents disapprove of if they're worried about harming the good relationship and trust they already share with their parents. They also know they must be mature enough to make smart decisions in order to continue to have some freedom. If the teen has earned a parent's trust, they gain more independence.

This confirms that the parent-child bond that is built and maintained over a lifetime can be more powerful than parents suddenly enforcing strict rules and constant monitoring when their child becomes a teenager. And let's be honest, Mom and Dad, we can better enjoy those few quiet moments in the house when we feel good about our relationship with our teen!

Arguing in Front of Children

No family is an oasis of peace and harmony. In fact, all families have disagreements and arguments from time to time. As a parent, you may have asked yourself if it’s appropriate to argue in front of the children. Some experts caution that children might feel anxious when their parents disagree, which results in tension and uneasiness within the family. They contend that children need the security of feeling that their parents are a unified pair.

Dr. Gregory Ramey, child psychologist at Dayton Children’s Medical Center, suggests that this “protectionistic” view underestimates children’s resiliency. Ramey explains that children already know that their parents have different points of view and that arguing in front of children may be beneficial. He states, “Children and teens deal with disagreements all the time. Watching their parents argue and resolve issues teaches them a great lesson about how to deal with the real world.”

A few cautions to keep in mind about arguing in front of the children - steer clear of certain topics, depending on the ages of your children. Also, don’t make arguing a routine or argue over and over about the same topics without ever reaching a solution. Talk in a courteous manner and have a compromising attitude. Never use physical force. Avoid name-calling. If one of you is too angry to fight fairly, stop the discussion and agree to pick it back up when you are both calm. Then, listen effectively to each other, clarify what you are hearing and work towards a “win-win” situation.

Parental arguments can teach children that people who love each other can also disagree about issues, and yet eventually come to some resolution.

Five Ways to Show Love to a Child

While children aren't delivered with a "how to" manual, there are several great resources for parents, such as Larry Steinberg's 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting. Steinberg recommends a number of ways to show your children you love them. For example, shower them with affection. There's no such thing as being "too loving." Even teenagers benefit from this; no research has yet found praising and hugging to be harmful to teenagers!

Another way to show you love your children is to consistently guide their behavior using effective discipline and by modeling good behavior. How you walk, not talk, makes the difference. Research consistently shows that from young children to teens, youth imitate by example, not by what is told them without follow-through. In the presense of children, your actions matter.

Set loving limits on your child. Firm but fair rules and consequences for breaking rules need to be set in place. Most important, following through on consequences without compromising gives children a sense of boundaries and safety.

Be consistent, but not rigid with your child's schedule. Keep in mind areas that are non-negotiable. Have a set schedule for weekdays and weekend, yet be a bit flexible, including time for recreational activities and leisure.

Stay involved in your child's life. The definition of involvement changes as they age, but the amount of involvement in your child's life should not change. For example, most adolescents don't need micromanagement, but they do need monitoring. Some teens need a lot of monitoring!

Parenting can be one of the toughest, yet most rewarding and most important jobs you will ever have, with results that last far beyond your lifetime.

Trio of Planets

The evening sky brings us a trio of planets in a close grouping this week. The bright beacon of light, Venus, shines brightly and moves quickly from night to night, especially by comparison to the slower-moving Mars and Saturn. The image shows the view on Sunday August 8th, so looking at this earlier in the week you will find Venus lower and to the right of the other two planets, and after the 8th you will see Venus glide to the upper left of the two planets. We are witnessing the motion of Venus along its orbit around the Sun, moving much more quickly from our vantage point on Earth than Mars and Saturn. Venus will continue to dominate the evening sky for many weeks to come.

A Cinema Gallery: 200 Images, Part 6

It took me a while to arrive at the last 30 screen caps for my CINEMA GALLERY series. I've been quite impressed with the other film bloggers that have joined in on this notion, and wish I could've lighted on as specific a set of themes as they did (their choices, linked to here at the end of MovieMan's piece, all look so swell together). However, in the end, I just had to go with "images that

A Cinema Gallery: 200 Images, Part 6

It took me a while to arrive at the last 30 screen caps for my CINEMA GALLERY series. I've been quite impressed with the other film bloggers that have joined in on this notion, and wish I could've lighted on as specific a set of themes as they did (their choices, linked to here at the end of MovieMan's piece, all look so swell together). However, in the end, I just had to go with "images that

Talking With Your Baby

One of the most important things that your child must learn is how to talk. On average, a child will say his or her first word at 12 months of age and may start speaking anywhere from 8 to 18 months of age. Toddlers are capable of speaking two-word sentences. By the time your child turns three, he or she will have a rather large vocabulary. At six years, your child will know about 10,000 words and will be a capable conversationalist.

Your child’s language skills show how well his or her brain and thought processes are developing. Children also develop emotionally and build social skills through conversation. In fact, early language skills help children to adjust more easily to difficult circumstances. That’s how important it is to learn how to communicate with others.

Research shows that toddlers with advanced language development are more likely to do well socially, academically, and behaviorally in later childhood. How and when your child’s language develops depends on the circumstance. For example, girls’ vocabulary generally grows faster than boys. Cautious toddlers who are more reserved may take more time to understand words before they begin to speak.

There are many ways you can help your child learn to talk. This can be done by finding natural opportunities in everyday situations to encourage communication. Here are a couple of suggestions to help your child’s language skills:

• From the moment your child is born, talk to your baby. You can call the child’s name, sing to him or her and read books out loud.
• Use “child directed speech” or CDS. CDS involves speaking in a high-pitched voice, using short sentences, pausing between phrases, enunciating clearly, using expressive emotional tones, and repeating new words in different contexts.
• Talk to your baby during daily routines, such as when you change diapers, cuddle and feed, bathe and dress baby.
• Repeat the noises your baby makes and encourage him or her to imitate the sounds you make.
• Point out objects to the baby and call them by name. Say to your baby, “See the chair, see the bird, see the truck.”
• Refer to what you are doing during daily activities. For example, say, “It’s time to change your diaper.” Or “We’re eating breakfast.”
  
  Resource:
  Talking With Your Child: http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/HE/HE86000.pdf