What parents can do to fit their child's temperament

Some babies have regular sleep patterns and cruise serenely through the day, while others wake up often during the night and during the day, demanding seemingly constant attention. Some children make friends easily and others have difficulty making friends. Just as babies are born with different combinations of physical characteristics, they also have certain patterns of behavior, or temperament, which make them unique.

Sometimes parents and children have different temperaments, and in that case, parents may need to adjust. How can you, as a parent, create a good fit between your own temperament and your child’s temperament? First, be aware of your temperament and how your child’s temperament is similar to or different from your own. Keep these differences in mind when you don’t see eye to eye on things, when your youngster pushes your limits, and when you have trouble understanding your child’s behavior.

Embrace what makes her or him unique, without comparing your child to others or trying to change your child. For example, you may have been painfully shy as a child and when you see your young child being shy, you might want to “force” your child to be more outgoing. Be patient, and actively work to change any negative reactions you have to your child’s behavior. Also, avoid situations that might set your child off. If your child becomes anxious around crowds and commotion, having a large birthday party at a busy play center may ruin the day for everyone.

When we can adjust our parenting methods so there is a good fit between our own temperament and the child’s, time together can be more enjoyable.

Understanding Your Child's Temperament

When a second or third child is born, many parents immediately know that everything they thought they had figured out about parenting had just gone out the window. While siblings come from the same parents and environment, there is often little about each of their personalities that are in common. Each child has a different temperament and every parent learns this quickly. Learning about their temperaments and how to manage children’s differences can be quite an adventure.

All children are born with their own style of interacting with or responding to the world. In a groundbreaking study in the 1950’s, researchers identified nine temperament characteristics, or behavior traits, that clinicians and researchers continue to use today. The researchers found that these nine traits were present at birth and continued to influence development throughout life.

The nine temperament traits include a child’s activity level, their rhythm or lack of rhythm in sleeping and eating habits, and approach or withdrawal (for example, does the child shy away from new people or make friends with every stranger). Three additional temperament traits include adaptability, intensity, and a child’s typical mood.

A child’s persistence and attention span are also examined for temperament, as well as their sensory threshold, or their ability or inability to tolerate external stimuli, such as loud noises or bright lights. The final trait is distractibility; the child’s ability to shut out external distractions and stay with an activity.

As parents understand and embrace their children’s temperaments, they usually have better responses to their children, hopefully making the adventure of parenthood a more pleasant ride. More on temperament to follow on another day.